Why Do Bad Things Happen to Good People?
Updated: Jan 7
Any guesses on this one? We see this phenomenon happening all of the time that good people get exploited. And we have also probably been a victim our self of someone taking advantage of us, manipulating or tricking us, right? Seems so unfair, especially when all we were trying to do was to be nice, or helpful. What is it about the “nice guy” that always makes him finish last? Have you ever thought about that? Does that kind smile or soft look in his eyes send a signal to others to pounce? It seems like that.
A common remark that I hear people say is, “The bad guys always pick me.” Well, I’ve got some news for you. It’s actually the other way around. You always pick the bad guy. It may not seem like it, but upon more careful inspection you will see that is what is going on. The reason why bad things happen to good people is because good people are attracted to bad situations and bad people. Why? Because good people are often plagued with a problem called Codependency. Good people need to feel needed. They need to feel helpful. They are people pleasers. They have low self-esteem, and chronically feel lonely and not good enough. They are looking for validation and love from others. The good guy seems good because out of desperation for love and validation, he will agree to things that other people will not. For example, the codependent will walk your dog, housesit, babysit, cook for you, listen to your problems, or to you boast about yourself, buy things for you, never challenge you, complement you, agree to your ideas and plans, never say no, give you money, take care of you when you are sick, and even give you the shirt off of their back. The codependent just wants to be liked, and for that he will go the extra mile.
Unfortunately, needing to be validated and liked by others can land us in a tiger-infested forest very quickly. Because guess what types of people are best at validating and “loving”? The narcissist. The narcissist has a lifelong need for new supply of people to worship her, praise her, keep around her so she never has to face her own self-hatred. Narcissists favorite victims are the codependents because they are such an easy prey. All good narcissists are excellent at reading people. They study their prey very carefully, just like a tiger in the jungle, watching the every move. The narcissist will know your mind well, actually better than you know your own mind. They will know what you like and don’t like. They will know the exact perfect words to say to you to make you feel important, loved, and validated. They will also know the exact words to say to you to devalue you, and make you start doubting and hating yourself. When they go in for the kill, they start love-bombing the unsuspecting co-dependent. The narcissist will give gifts, make food for you, praise you, display signs of physical affection and make you feel like you are on top of the world. You will think that you have finally found the loving relationship that you have always wanted. Alas, you have finally found someone who really gets you. Yes, they have got you alright, but not in the way that you think.
Inevitably, as all good codependent-narcissist relationships turn out, the codependent starts becoming depressed because the narcissist’s actions start hurting. The narcissist will use the codependent. The narcissist has no limit. She will manipulate, twist stories, boast about herself, criticize, control, shame, become jealous, lie, isolate you from your friends, not take responsibility, blame you for everything, and worst of all, hate you. But they will do it all with a loving mask on their face, trying to hide their sneaky intentions. So it can become very confusing, very fast. Of course, the codependent will not pick up on any of this, and only think that they have made some egregious mistake and that is the reason why the narcissist all of a sudden gave them the cold shoulder, or started criticizing them. The codependent will work like crazy to win back the narcissists love, often times in an anxiety-ridden frenzy, bending over backwards to try and please the narcissist so they can gain their love again.
Good people don’t know how to make themselves happy without relying on another. And that is where the problem begins. Good people are blinded by their insatiable desire to be loved, validated, and accepted. Consequently, they don’t even notice the narcissists insincerity or true intentions because the codependent is completely blinded by getting their own needs met. The codependent just thinks, “Wow, this person is so nice to me. She is so caring, and even more loving than my very own mother. She must really love me.” All I can say is: RED FLAG!
The punchline is that the reason why bad things happen to good people is because good people are needy. Good people are lonely. Sorry folks. Better to take this bitter pill and reflect upon it than to live a life with a narcissist whose greatest delight is to make you suffer. To avoid getting hooked by a narcissist, it is paramount to figure out how to take care of your emotional needs by yourself without hoping that you will find someone out there to pacify your lonely, or inadequate feeling. There is no one who can do that for you. That is just a fantasy, and one not worth holding onto, unless you enjoy living a life tortured by a narcissist.